


Kama Sutra

by roelliej



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Ficlet, Humor, Humorous Ending, Implied Rimming, Innuendo, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Rating: PG13, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roelliej/pseuds/roelliej
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Draco's displeased, so will be Harry...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kama Sutra

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Jae's Monthly Drabble Challenge.
> 
> Inspired by the "The Thin Blue Line"-episode "Night Shift"
> 
> Dedicated to D. for the beta-check. I really appreciate it! :D

“Harry?” Draco purred as he randomly placed kisses on Harry’s neck. “You look hot tonight.”

“No, Draco. I’m not in the mood.” Harry sighed pushing Draco’s hand away. “I’m tired.” 

“You’re always tired,” Draco exclaimed. “We haven’t had sex for weeks. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, love,” Harry grumbled. “I’m not a sex-machine. You can’t expect me to open my legs every fortnight.”

“I think we need to see a sex-therapist,” Draco said, as he turned his back towards Harry and lied down. “We have a serious problem.”

“Merlin, no!” Harry exclaimed. “I’d rather lick Kreacher’s crack than listen to an old hag sitting on a beanbag.”

“You can start scraping your tongue, because I already made an appointment. Tomorrow after work.”

“Draco!” Harry was shocked. “You dare...”

“...or you can sleep on the couch for the rest of your married life,” Draco hissed and he angrily put out the lights.

 

“Please believe me, dears—talking about sex is as easy as saying good morning. Cock-sucking, rimming, squirting. I can say these sexual words without feeling embarrassed.

“I bet you’re the only one in this room,” Harry said, one of his eyebrows raised. 

Sybill Trelawny positioned herself on the large poofy saofa and looked at Harry and Draco with endearing pity. After her resignation (or sacking) as Divination-teacher, she started a rather lucrative business as sex therapist.

“You poor repressed boy,” Trelawny said, shaking her head dramatically. “Sex is like discovering your inner self. I…for example, discovered my G-spot, while doing it bending over backwards on the desk over there.”

“I really don’t care,” Harry exclaimed, while hiding his reddening cheeks. “Draco, I want to leave!”

“I didn’t expect the Boy Who Lived to be a bit of a prude,” Trelawny whispered with a little smile.

“No, I just want to keep my dinner down,” Harry sneered, fearing the image of Trelawny having sex would haunt him for eternity.

“Harry, please,” Draco soothed. “We talked about this, and you promised to give it a try.”

“Alright, alright,” Harry sighed. “But please no more talking about G-spots and bending over backwards.”

“The first principle of sex therapy is sex depravation,” Trelawny rattled, ignoring Harry’s sneers. “You must agree not to have sex. No teasing, no kisses, no touching. Could you do that for me?”

“Draco, this woman is costing us 20 Galleons,” Harry retorted. Draco looked at him with a mixture of pity and frustration, but he couldn’t deny the fact that maybe Harry was right. Although he would never admit it.

“Well, tomorrow I want you to come only wearing your underwear,” Trelawny said, her eyes glistering with enthusiasm. “You will face each other, but won’t touch each other. The sexual fire will be rekindled through depravation and denial. After that the rimming can start.”

Draco looked at his husband and realised he made a big mistake going to the therapist after all. They would never have sex again...

“And to prevent that someone’s feeling embarrassed I too will only be in my underwear,” Trelawny added. “And of course, by the end of the week we will be all completely naked. Why wait? Let’s do it now!”

 

“Mister Potter, is everything alright,” the server said as Harry and Draco were eating dinner at home. “You look a bit pale around the nose.”

“I’m fine, Mrs. Gutlocker,” Harry mumbled absent-mindedly, completely unaware of the waitress storming out of the dining room in tears. “Er...boys...isn’t it time for your homework?”

“I thought you would never ask,” Albus said. “Come on, Scorpius.”

“I like the fact our boys are taking their study seriously,” Harry said. “They never thwart each other. Instead they work together as a team.”

“I’m pretty sure they do.” Draco smirked, while wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“What do you mean?” Harry said, looking suspiciously at his husband.

“Come on, Harry,” Draco said. “Our boys are lovers.”

“Impossible,” Harry exclaimed. “Albus and Scorpius are best mates, like Ron and me. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Oh, Scorpius. Suck my throbbing cock!”

“I love the way your balls taste, Al!”

“At least they do a lot more studying than we do,” Draco sneered, closing the door of the dining room, excluding the bedroom noises.

“But the fact remains that we’re finally alone,” Harry said as he stood up.

“Yes, Harry,” Draco said.

“What I should like to propose,” Harry said softy. “Is to send the staff home, clean the dishes and after that a bit of rumpy-pumpy.”

“Alright, then I’ll take another cup of t...I’ll beg your pardon?”

“I want to have sex with you,” Harry said. “And maybe tomorrow morning. I’m even thinking about rimming your arse right here.”

“T-this is all so sudden,” Draco muttered. “Did the sex therapist work?”

“Work?” Harry exclaimed. “She’s a fucking genius. I would do anything, and I mean absolutely anything if I’ll never have to visit that wicked woman again!”


End file.
